Re: Improvement/Critique Thread

by Bluemouse Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:34 pm

I think really this thread is deceased. You'd probably be better off asking the people you rp with for feedback, since they're already reading your writing. Glad to see you active, though.

by Lunchador Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:57 pm

Thanks! Also, thanks for the advice, there, much appreciated.

by **Deus001** Wed Jun 18, 2014 12:52 pm

Since I'm going to be free in the summer (Still looking for a job to get a train ticket to see my girl but until then)

I was just wondering if anyone has any complaints (Constructive! I know some would love to flame me so I'm just stating that now.) or advice on how to improve any of my wrestlers. I'd prefer it via PM as well.

I think I really need someone to "Kick me in the back to get me focused on dealing with shit." if you all take my meaning. So please, tell me which wrestlers you like and which ones you dislike and give me advice on how to deal with it.

by **Deus001** Mon Jun 30, 2014 10:42 pm

I'm bumping my previous comment as I'm still interested in hearing everyone's opinions.

Mind they have to "Constructive" and not flames, you must offer advice to deal with the problem.

by Tatyina Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:01 am

The biggest issue /I/ see is that really you only have one character. everyone else on your roster is just an extension of that one character with really no personality beyond how they relate to that one character.

You could have a pretty decent cast of characters if they weren't shackled and allowed to grow on their own.

You might even be surprised how much that ONE character of YOURS could grow if HE weren't tied down by the others as well. It would be mutually beneficial to all parties involved.

You're asking people to invest an awful lot when they rp with you and I don't think people should be forced to be part of the universe you've created for yourself if they would like to rp with you. You will also never be able to immerse any of your characters in their or, more importantly, the communal world while they are so firmly intrenched in "Deus canon."

There's no give. There's no take and that's what this form of Rping is all about.

That's about the nicest, constructive way I can put it. I hope it helps.

by Bluemouse Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:02 am

The part that riles me up is your chick in the chat thread whose name and everything she says is about a man. >:O

by **Deus001** Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:55 am

Okay first off, I believe that would have been better off being sent in a PM. I know my inbox is full, but I get one message removed each time a new one comes in. Plus I prefer discretion in matters like this.

The reason why I kinda had them all linked together (Not all of them, Qi is an example and so is Maxi and Hao) was because to be frank I'm shit at coming up for new backstories, to justify their reasons for being in the AFW, how they interact with others etc. Granted I stuck an objective that they all hope to do while at the AFW, but not much beyond that.

If by "Tying down" you mean separating them all, I can't really do that with the UKE for the sake of a future storyline. I might do it if the Scottish Independence happens though, cause there wouldn't really be a United Kingdom anymore. So they'd kinda have to disband.

So what should I do? Just limit my main wrestler's appearances to only when necessary? And try to focus on my other ones?

by Tatyina Tue Jul 01, 2014 3:40 pm

It's better this way, trust me.

And having them be connected through history is fine. Having them know each other is also fine.

You write all your characters through a prism of how their lives revolve around Ryan Knight. If Ryan Knight didn't exist, would these characters be able to stand on their own?

They should be able to. It doesn't feel like they could. They need to get out and stretch their wings. Find other connections as well, and bring other people in.

It will make the stuff with Ryan better too. If you get the temptation to try and mention Ryan in a thread that doesn't directly involve him, see if you can keep yourself from doing it. You don't need to exclude him from things, just don't unnecessarily insert him places.

I don't think that's such a big deal and think it will improve the experience for everyone involved.

Also, I'm enjoying the triple threat match quite a bit. I think you've done quite well with it so far.

by **Deus001** Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:43 pm

Well it's worth a try at least. Now I just need to get my newer wrestlers out the door, if I'm lucky.

by **Deus001** Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:46 am

Alright well it's been some time since I last posted on this thread, and I'm just wondering how I'm getting on. Since I've been able to get a couple of matches with my new wrestlers Qi and Maxi, I think I've slightly improved in focusing on people individually. It's slight but it's a start.

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