I'm Not Who You Think

When Cassie didn't protest, Akashi sighed. Her fingers sifted through the girl's hair and she closed her eyes, just thankful that Cassie wasn't trying to push her away.

But what Cassie said next made the sumo balk. Her eyes opened and she stared at Cassie in disbelief. "W-What!?" She said, bringing her free hand up to her mouth.

"How does that make YOU horrible!?" She said as she stared down at Cassie. "Doesn't that make HIM horrible!?" Akashi turned her head. I didn't know the two of you were... serious..." She said the last part sheepishly, as though she was embarrassed to say it out loud.

Akashi gently stroked Cassie's hair. "Do... you want me to beat him up?" She asked, tilting her head even though Cassie wasn't looking at her, even as a soft smile tugged at the edge of her lips.

"We're not." Cassie said forcefully, but without raising her voice. She was quiet for a moment, and then said "Yes."

She rolled slightly onto her stomach to hide her face in the couch. "It makes me horrible because I'm thinking about myself instead of the girl that I just really hurt. The only thing I feel worse about it that I don't feel worse about it than I do," she moaned. "I wish I was dead. I'm not cut out to do this stuff. I can't handle it. I don't get it. I don't understand what would make... someone do the things that she did, and now it's my problem. And I hate it."

She pushed up onto one elbow and looked Akashi in the eye. "I know you were trying to help before, but you didn't help. You made it worse. You told me to do things that were... That I shouldn't have. Maybe I shouldn't have come here in the first place."

"Not... anymore?" Akashi asked quizzically. She pulled her arms away from Cassie and folded them under her chest. She furrowed her brow when Cassie was finished.

"I said the things I said because I didn't want you to end up where Dark Angel ended up. Maybe it was the wrong thing to say but I don't regret it and I'd do it again. Dark Angel was a bad girl and you did what you had to do because she was hurting you and the people you cared for. It doesn't MATTER why she is the way she is. The truth is, she chose to turn herself into a monster and look where it led her?"

Akashi turned and looked at Cassie. "Now... YOU have the chance to decide what YOU want to be. I don't know how you are going to reconcile things, but... I do know you belong ... here. In Japan, at least." Akashi pouted. "And... maybe... still in this house?" She said sheepishly. "I don't want you to go, Cassies-san...." Now she was starting to work herself up. "But, I won't stop you from whatever you decide, I just believe... that you came to Japan for a reason and right now, you're going through some trials. We all do it. We've all had to stare at demons and decide what we'll do. Whether we'll blink or stand firm."

Akashi sighed and closed her eyes. Akashi brought her fingers to her temple. "You know, Cassie-san... To this day, I still can't figure out Sarah-san. She is..." Akashi paused. "err... was? I don't know. She was one of my best friends ... because I didn't really have anyone around here that I could call a friend. And... I never could figure out why she was the way she was. Every time I tried to think about it, it just made my head hurt."

"Not ever."

Cassie listened blankly while Akashi talked about Sarah, for some reason. Was she saying Cassie was like Sarah. That's just great. As if she didn't feel like enough of a psycho already. Sarah Gatt probably didn't manage what Cassie did, injuring two girls in a row, maybe permanently.

Of course, even if Sarah didn't do that, she probably still bragged about it.

Cassie breathed a sigh that was part annoyance, part collapse. "Akashi, I don't know what you're talking about. But is it so wrong for me to be upset that Mamouru sleeps with every girl in the world, all the time, but he told me to go away, or something. Am I allowed to feel that way? I don't even think I like him, but why doesn't he like me?"

Then she was quiet. After a moment, gentle sobs escaped her, and her back quivered with each one. "I want to feel what that girl is feeling. I wish I got hurt like her."

Akashi blinked when Cassie spoke. She blushed and turned her head. She had been way off base, apparently. 'Uhh... " Akashi shook her head and recollected herself. "Actually, it's not wrong at ALL!"She said. She looked at Cassie. "You should be pissed!" Akashi nodded firmly. "If he told YOU to go away, then it is HIS loss! I would eat you up myself if you'd let me!" Akashi said with a slightly devilish grin. "But, yeah... you should definitely feel pissed off." Akashi added, thinking about it.

"I don't know why he doesn't like you though... he seems to like... every other girl? You smell pretty nice, so it can't be B.O." Akashi wrinkled her nose. "He's a baka. That's all there is to it. You should beat him up." Akashi grinned. "Once I'm finished with him!"

Akashi was lost in the thought of pounding Mamouru a new butt when Cassie's last comment finally registered. "Wait, what?" Akashi shook her head and stared at Cassie. "W-Why would you say something like that!? Cassie-san! T-That girl ... she was trying to wreck your life! It's not like you KILLED the girl! Y-You shouldn't say things like that!"

"I shouldn't say things like that?" Cassie was suddenly bolt upright and facing Akashi. "Then YOU STOP TALKING!" She screamed, and swung hard slaps right and left at Akashi. "I don't want to hear about how you want to have sex with me! I don't want to hear about you and Taylor! I don't give a shit that you want to have sex with every girl in the world, and that I was right to almost kill a girl! You people think you can just do whatever and whoever you want, but you can't. So SHUT UP!"

Then she was quiet. She was heated and breathing hard, and she folded her arms under her chest and crossed her legs while staring directly at the wall and not facing Akashi. She wanted to flee the room, but she didn't want to look like she was running away. Ultimately, her pride didn't put up much of a fight, and she stood up and quickly strode back to the stairs to return to her room.

"Leave me alone," she said, very quietly, as she passed.

Akashi was not prepared for Casie's outburst. The first slap smacked her in the eye and the second one jostled her forehead. She was able to get her hands up to mitigate the rest of the blows but Cassie's words stung more than the slaps would even if she had ate all of them.

When Cassie was finished, Akashi stood up. "I don't just have sex with every girl in the world." She said softly as she rubbed her cheek. "Everyone here has sacrificed something for AFW. Even that girl you beat up. Even Mamouru-kun and Taylor. Maybe you're finally learning what it's like to have to sacrifice things for real. And maybe you're finally starting to realize that it isn't very pleasant."

Akashi shook her head and looked into the kitchen. She'd have to check on the food to make sure it was simmering and not just getting obliterated. But, she wondered. She never considered herself a role model. She never even considered herself all that great a person. She just knew that there were honorable things to do and dishonorable things to do and that she had to fight a lot to get where she was. Akahsi ran her fingers through her hair. She wasn't really sure what she had been doing lately. It seemed like everyone just wanted to point out how horrible she was and how she was such a bad person. Maybe she was and just didn't know it? She shook her head. It wouldn't do to let thoughts like that consume her but she also couldn't help but let them niggle in the back of her mind.

Later, Taylor arrived, and she didn't bother to knock. She walked into the house to the smell of food and the sight of Akashi on the couch. Two things that she'd come to associate with each other.

"Hey," she said. "What'd you make?" She nodded toward the kitchen while she walked over to a chair and sat down heavily. She took a moment to relax before she looked back at Akashi.

"She's probably not great right now, right?" She frowned. "Well, I'll go see her in a minute. Did I miss anything important? Last I saw, that chick in the mask was spraying blood everywhere like a bitch." She shook her head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. How did she think that was going to go? I hope she's not surprised that she has no spleen now. Retard. How are you? You look... shitty."

Akashi moped on the couch until Taylor showed up. When she got in,immediately the sumo beamed and was up and doting after Taylor. "I made a stew pot so I could leave it on as long as I needed to." Akashi said and fluttered off to the kitchen, getting out big bowls for both of them, scooping in some rice and then pouring the stew which was a light broth with all sorts of vegetables, mushrooms and some fish, along with various Japanese spices.

Akashi set down bowls and chopsticks and then paused. After a long moment, she flung herself forward and hugged Taylor's head tightly against her chest, squeezing until she was satisfied with the hug.

Akashi sat down next to Taylor and began to pull bits of fish and vegetables from her bowl, thinking about what Taylor said. "Cassie-san sucks right now." She said, furrowing her brow. "You know... I never asked to be int his position and I'm doing my best! She's living in my house so I feel responsible! I can't help it if I get a little motherly, it's not like I'm going to be popping out kids anytime soon!" The big Sumo huffed.

Akashi then turned and stared at Taylor defensively. "And... I don't sleep with everyone!" She added defensively. "Cassie-san is being weird! She is more pissed off that Mamouru-kun has a new girlfriend... or whatever. And she said that she wished that she had gotten hurt like Dark Angel did!" Akashi shook her head and looked at Taylor. "She thinks I'm a bad person!" Akashi's eyes widened and she stared helplessly at Taylor. "EVERYONE thinks I'm a bad person! It's all I've been hearing recently is how I'm just terrible terrible terrible!" Akashi slammed her fist against the table, sloshing the bowls contents a bit.

"I'm NOT!"

"You do sleep with everyone," Taylor asserted in between mouthfuls of stew. She'd never seen Cassie in a state that even faintly resembled what Akashi was describing, but it didn't seem that far fetched. Taylor knew what it was like to be pushed, and Cassie had been pushed a lot lately, especially tonight.

"Dude, chill." She clicked her chopsticks together while she stared off at the wall. "No one thinks you're a bad person. Well, that's not true... no one I care about does. Cassie's flipping out right now, just let her flip out and don't let her flip you out. That's the whole deal."

She turned around in her seat to look toward the stairway, toward where she assumed Cassie was. "I wonder what hospital they took that chick to. They probably wouldn't try to handle shit like that at Friction."