All The Things I'm Not

Taylor scowled and turned away. Pointing out how ridiculous she acted all the time must've been the easiest thing in the world, given how good everyone was at it. She felt like the worst person ever, and Junko's steadfast maternal love was like salt in the wound.

But mom had a point. She needed to process this stuff before she made any decisions.

"No, you're right..." Taylor nodded. "I just... That belt meant so much to me. I can't... It's really hard to put it all into words, but... It meant everything. It was everything I've worked I worked so hard for, and I have... had... all these ideas about how I was going to make everyone proud and represent the Dojo and the company and pro wrestling and myself with honor and with love, and I was gonna be the best champ ever. People were gonna put my poster up on the wall, and look at it whenever they felt like giving up. But..."

She drew a long, slow breath, and paced the kitchen. Words didn't immediately come to her, but she needed to keep talking. She needed to keep from going completely crazy.

"But things don't always work out the way you hope, and even if you do the right things all the time, sometimes all someone has to do is the wrong thing and everything just... unravels. So... My emotions are running a little high right now, but that's not the half of it. And as far as getting over it... After everything else I've overcome, all the fear and the injuries and opponent after opponent..."

She paused again. This time, her breath caught in her chest and her fists clenched. She glanced around the kitchen, and then once toward Junko. "With everything I've built, and all the wonderful people I have backing me up, with all the years of trying and failing and persevering... After everything else..."

She closed her eyes and rested her palms on the counter, her back to Junko. In front of her was the half-full bottle of sake, and her empty glass.

"It all came down..." She seethed. "To a FUCKING. HANDFUL. OF GLITTER!"

She grabbed the glass and whirled and whipped it across the kitchen as hard as she could, and it exploded against the wall above the stove. She stared at the shards of broken glass laying everywhere, wild-eyed, her chest heaving as her blood boiled.

Junko winced as the bottle hurled into the wall. Her shoulders visibly lifted and and dropped and her eyes shut momentarily. After a moment, she opened her eyes and let her hands drop to her sides. She looked at Taylor but her face hid her emotions.

Taylor's words and actions were completely justified, and Junko wasn't trying to tell Taylor to shut down her emotions. "You should be incensed, Taylor-chan." Junko said finally, looking at the ground. "It's all wrong. You lost your title off the worst possible outcome and..."

Junko closed her eyes again. She was pissed too, but Taylor's outburst was enough for the both of them. Junko's fists tightened slowly until she could feel her fingers dig into her palms. She opened her mouth again, but thankfully she was cut off before she had to try and think of something else to say.

"Is everything ok!? I heard a crash!" Johnny's voice came from near the stairs as he rushed into the kitchen and looked at the two girls, the glass and the sake covered wall.

Taylor held a hand out to the side at Johnny. "Babe, just gimme a minute, a'right?" She said without looking at him.

"You and me," she said, gesturing back and forth herself and Junko. "We got played by some retarded fucking bitch and her goddamn cheerleader, and I will NEVER live down the humiliation! And for the second time, I'M the only reason Brittany even HAS a career!" She stabbed her finger tips against her chest.

"Because it's ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH ME. Oh, my ribs are broken. Oh, my mom distracted the ref. You can call me whatever you want, say I'm disrespectful and shit, but I am really fucking pissed at YOU!" She shouted, her hands quivering at her sides.

"NONE of you know what this feels like! I am the GREATEST FUCKING FIGHTER IN HISTORY, and instead of being remembered as the greatest champ, I'm going out as THE BIGGEST FUCK-UP LOSER TO EVER HOLD THE BELT! I can beat anyone in the world, and THAT'S why I NEVER just get to fight ONE FUCKING CHICK!"

"How many times have I got fucked over? Huh?" She asked, suddenly laser-focused on Junko. She extended a hand out as she walked over to her. "How many times, manager? How many does it take before I can say I'm done, without you guys talking about how disappointed you are in me? 'Cause I don't think any of you guys even know where I'm coming from. When Akashi had the belt, she had nothing but fair fights. Everyone respects Akashi. Well WHAT ABOUT ME?

Junko shook as Taylor became irate. Even if it was justified, Junko didn't like it at all and when Taylor was finished, Junko couldn't even open her mouth to breath. Words came out. "NO ONE'S EVER SAID THEY WERE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! STOP PUTTING WORDS IN PEOPLE'S MOUTHS!" Junko yelled, batting Taylor's hand away. "Did you ever stop and think for a second that if you are what you say you are, that's exactly why you never got a fair fight!?" Junko said and lifted her hand and poked it into Taylor's chest.

"If you're the best ever, then they already know they can't beat you one on one! Look at what you did to Brittany-san the last time you fought her! Do you really think she would fight you all by herself!? Would YOU if you were HER!? I think the fact that no one's willing to give you a fair fight proves how great you really are because they couldn't beat you one on one!"

Junko crossed her arms and turned her head. "You can throw as much of a fit as you want, Taylor-chan. You have the right to do so. You can be angry at me all you like. I'm sorry. You say that I don't know, but I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life knowing that I'm the reason you're even going through this right now." Junko looked back at Taylor, tears welling up once more. She didn't hide them this time. "Do you know how hard that is!?" She said and quickly turned away again. She spoke her next words much quieter. "You're not the only one who was devastated by that loss... And I never once threw it back in your face..."

"Oh, stop crying!" Taylor rolled her eyes and irately flapped her hands. She huffed and focused her eyes on the floor. At least one of them had to keep it together!

"The point I'm trying to make is that you're right, people don't want a fair fight with me. Whether I'm the best or not, Friction isn't the place for a real fighter. I can't do what I do here because AFW WANTS people to cheat, for all the drama and shit. That's why they give people contracts where they can get a title match at any moment. That's why the referees don't disqualify people unless they actually SEE THEM FUCKING THROW THE GLITTER." She gave an indifferent shrug. "Like it or not, AFW is a joke. There's no honor here, and people with honor will always fall short. Look at Kashi and me. Then you've got Alaina and Julia..."

She scowled, shook her head, and turned to go back to the kitchen counter, if only to get some space from the conversation before she got too heated again. She leaned against it with her arms folded, one hyperactive knee bouncing up and down with the ball of her foot on the floor.

Junko turned her head and wiped her eyes clean. Her cheeks were flushed and she turned away from Taylor only to see Johnny still standing there. He had been quiet but he had sent the other two, who had come up to peek, back downstairs with a deft wave of his hand.

"Ok." Junko said simply. She'd had enough of the fighting and was tired. She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and sat on the couch, giving Johnny a look as she passed.

Johnny nodded to Junko and stepped towards Taylor, cautiously eyeing her as he approached, with a sympathetic look. He stopped next to her and put a hand on Taylor's hip.

Taylor watched Junko walk away with a measure of contempt. She looked less like a vivacious, headstrong leader of the premier AFW gym, a mentor and manager to champions, and more like a tired old woman. A manager of former champions.

Taylor snorted bitterly and folded her arms as she looked at the floor in front of her. She stayed leaning against the counter when Johnny approached her.

"I just wish someone would agree with me," she said, keeping her voice low so that only Johnny could hear. She was nearly in shock, thinking about her whole life coming to a complete halt if she quit wrestling. She felt panicked and enraged, she wanted to cry and break stuff, and just thinking about where the rest of her life could go from here filled her with dread. She didn't have a degree. She didn't have any normal people skills. Money wasn't the issue, but what would the rest of her life mean without wrestling?

"...But I guess everyone here's still gotta sell themselves on the lies about AFW if they wanna keep doing what they're doing," she muttered bitterly.

Johnny slowly turned his body and pressed his body into hers. His other hand slipped around the other hip and he looked at her carefully. "I don't think anyone thinks you're wrong, babe." Johnny said. "Everyone knows the AFW can run a pretty shady business. There ain't anyone in the house who hasn't gotten the short end of the stick. Hell, at this rate, I expect it in my matches. If it's not a two or three on one, then it's some crazy, ball smashing chick that just wants to kill me for fun."

Johnny looked down, his eyes falling to Taylor's collar. "I don't think anyone is misunderstanding your position or thinks the way you feel ain't justified and junk." Johnny paused. "But, like, I just wanna keep goin and junk." Johnny said. "It's the only thing I really wanna do. At least, that's how I feel." He said. "I guess the others probably feel the same way too." He said shrugging. He didn't want to speak for them, really.

When Taylor heard the words, her shoulders slumped until Johnny was the only thing holding her up. She turned her head away, and wanted to free herself from him, but she didn't try.

"Yeah..." She whispered, sounding defeated. Was fighting and getting stomped and fucked over by gangs of crazy bitches really as good as it got for all of them?

Johnny frowned as Taylor deflated in his arms. He brought one hand up and pressed against her even more, touching her jaw and bringing her head back to face him. He kept his own head close and smiled softly.

"Don't worry about that stuff, babe." He said, trying to ease her mind. "I'm with you... no matter what." He said and leaned in to kiss her lips. "When you figure out what you wanna do, then I'll do whatever I can to help ya make it work, ok?"