A package for Seraphim

Phoebe sighed softly, "That's... a grim thought. Most people are fortunate to even know their mother... You only have one." She trailed off. There was something in Seraphim's eyes... something different. Maybe... maybe their last meeting did go too far, too fast. Seraphim had been making the rounds in AFW and forging even more alliances than theirs and gathering contacts otherwise. Maybe... what they had was just... ships passing in the night. Still... she was an ally. That was okay.

Of course, that change in Seraphim's eyes could've been anything... or nothing. Still, she played it safe, pulling her arm back and rubbing her hands. "Seraphim... Elena has been... a very close partner and ally to me for many years. I know you two are not exactly seeing eye to eye." She shook her head, "Look, Elena has always been the type who has to deal with people I can't stand on my behalf to keep things from getting... worse." She looked deeply into Seraphim's eyes without a hint of judgment, "What is she doing that is getting you so... violent?"

There was no care to listen to that first part Phoebe had to say. Simply because it was Phoebe though, Seraphim took the time to hear her out, but that subject didn't mean anything to her. After all, love wasn't something you could easily give out to someone who left you alone to die on the streets now, was it? Ignoring the subject though as best as she could, knowing it had nothing to do with this and just came from a bad, pointless joke Phoebe tried to say, Seraphim simply sighed, trying not to take her frustration out on Phoebe. It was hard, but she didn't want to, she didn't dare to. Phoebe was an ally, but at times... especially after their one encounter, Seraphim wanted to beleive there was more. Even at this moment... she craved to put her lips so gently on Phoebe's simply to enjoy the taste. But she withstood her urges, just listening to what Phoebe had to say, trusting Phoebe's words for now.

It was going to be hard for her... falling for someone who was friends with such a cruel woman who she couldn't stand, but Seraphim was going to try... she just had to. However, at Phoebe's final question, Seraphim let out a final breath, her eye falling closed and her head hung low again as her bangs covered the front of her face, before she handed Phoebe the tape recorder. Silently, this was her reply to just what made her feel this way right now...

As Seraphim's face fell, Phoebe instinctively reached for her partner's shoulder to attempt to comfort her. She stopped, however, when she noticed what Seraphim was handing her. A tape recorder? She looked at it for a few seconds before memories started to stir in her mind... Memories that Phoebe hadn't had to think of in a long time. She didn't even have to listen to the tape... it was her calling card... back in those days.

And... now Seraphim was neck deep in it...

Phoebe froze, her face betraying only a slight queasiness, her eyes wide. Almost as if her hand was no longer entirely under her control, the tape recorder slid out of her grasp, falling to the floor with a loud clatter. Phoebe's gaze was locked on it as it dropped. She quickly stood up, "I... I can't... I have to..." She stammered before turning away and swiftly walking toward the door, her breathing slow, measured, and heavy. She would ignore anything Seraphim said, lost in her own panic.

Every emotion that Phoebe showed, Seraphim watched closely. After handing her the tape, her crimson eye met Phoebe's violet orbs, and witnessed every reaction, no matter how subtle, like it was all going in slow motion. The moment she saw Phoebe's eyes go wide, Seraphim realized she made a horrible mistake, but she didn't regret it, because if they didn't speak about this now, then it would only come up later and make things worse than they are now. The way she looked at the tape though, she looked... shocked. She clearly wasn't expecting this, but the way she reacted lead Seraphim to know that all of what she heard was true, and she clearly was aware of the crimes she commited.

'Phoebe...' The woman made Seraphim feel like she was looking at herself for a moment. Filled with guilt for the past, trying to hide it, and yet also hoping to make up for what was done. They really were alike... But then, when Phoebe started to run, Seraphim just couldn't let it go, she needed to know something, and she couldn't let Phoebe run off when she was clearly upset about this whole thing. But then again, Seraphim couldn't blame her, but at the same time, she couldn't let her go, she didn't deserve to be alone...

"Phoebe, please wait!" Her own words concerned and panicked, Seraphim got up from the bench, shaking away her broken state for now as she hurried to catch up with Phoebe. She couldn't let her go alone, she needed someone, and Seraphim was going to be that person who stood by her side.

Seraphim would chase Phoebe well into the hall before Phoebe would stop and turn around, convinced she was not going to shake Seraphim. Phoebe would face Seraphim with a look that did all it could to hide the turmoil inside her. Her lips pursed, quivering softly, she stared intently at Seraphim. "I can't TALK ABOUT THIS..." Her voice rose sharply to just short of a yell. Phoebe seemed to wince at her own lack of control, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths to try to calm herself, "Just... just... go away." She hissed, opening her eyes, but looking away from Seraphim.

When Seraphim caught up with Phoebe, she stopped only for a moment to regain her breath, finding herself in good enough shape to not be tuckered out from this. Instead, she stood firm on her ground, breathing heavily as her single eye looked at Phoebe with a mix of emotions. Concern, worry, sadness, even anger, she couldn't control her own feelings as she tried to just speak her mind, no matter how confused it was right now. "Then I don't care!!" She yelled back, surprised with her own shouting as she blinked at this before shaking her head like it didn't happen.

"I mean... Fuck, I do, so I'm not going to leave you alone, because you're obviously hurt by this. And.. I can't just let you go when I know you feel this way... I care about you damnit, I-I love you!" Her words were half mixed in anger and surprise at the end, like she was too embarressed to say this, but just blurted it out anyway. At this point, Seraphim didn't even have a full grasp of her twisted emotions right now, but she wasn't going to just sit and stay quiet when someone she cared about so much was hurting like this.

Phoebe froze at those last words. Love... The word evoked memories that felt like a cold, dead weight in her stomach. She closed her eyes to try to maintain some semblance of emotional control, her lip twitched almost imperceptibly. This was all too much... Elena... Elena gave Seraphim this tape... Why?... And now this... Love? It was all going too fast. Her past usually could stay tucked away neatly... and now Seraphim was plunging blindly head first into it. Phoebe couldn't take it.

Phoebe spoke slowly, trying to force the words colliding in her head out in something approaching a reasonable order, "You... you don't know what you're saying. You don't know me... what I've done... what all this... is to me." She raised an unsteady hand, "J... just don't... please... I can't talk about this." It was her closest guarded secret... much of it she was afraid to acknowledge even to herself, allowing her thoughts to just spout little white lies rather than actually behold memories of what happened when her mind wandered into thinking about the past. She had only ever spoke of this to one person...

She doesn't know what she's saying or who Phoebe ease? Well damnit, maybe she doesn't!! But that could change, that was partly why she was hear right now. She cared, she wanted to know the truth! Her fist clenching, Seraphim bit the edge of her lip before letting out a small outburst, not yelling, but raising her voice a little to get her point across. "And you don't know me either! But that doesn't change anything. Wh-What happened in the ring between you and I was not just out of lust." She calmed down near the end of her sentence before taking a step closer, slowly reaching out, almost cautiously as she went to put her uninjured hand on Phoebe's shoulder, hoping to get a chance to comfort her, even just a little.

Right now, Seraphim felt only the drive to try and fix things and make it right. This was her one chance, and she knew if she didn't say the right thing, she'd fuck it up royally. But for now, she just had to go on, continue her confession, and hope Phoebe could see some light in this and understand. "I... I felt something. I may not be good at understanding my own emotions... but I know now what these feelings are, and I'm sure you felt the same way."

Phoebe's hand instinctively tightened as she grasped her other arm... Those feelings... she did indeed feel them too. But... this couldn't happen... not with all this out there...

"It... it was a mistake... a fluke..." Phoebe spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, "We... we can't pursue those feelings. It... It wouldn't work." She faced Seraphim, her eyes distraught, "Y-you know... what I am. You heard that tape. I..." She trailed off. She knew exactly what she wanted to say... that she was still that murderer and that murderer was still her... that love was something that she couldn't have... But the words wouldn't form. It was still a series of too painful memories. She couldn't let herself feel them... she couldn't share them... ... could she? She knew of Seraphim's past prison time. Their experiences were nothing alike but, at the same time...

Phoebe was completely conflicted, at a loss for direction, for the will to decide to just walk away or to tell Seraphim everything. She slumped up against the wall, resting her palms on her forehead, "I... I can't... I shouldn't..." She muttered, half to herself.

At first, Seraphim had a rising concern, but at this point, she was getting fed up with Phoebe's damsel in distress act. This wasn't like the girl, and Phoebe was far better than this, she knew first hand. And seeing her break down, even if it hurt her, Seraphim needed to do something to snap her out of it and bring a little bit of reality to her.

And that was why, without hesitating any longer, Seraphim sent an open palm swiftly across Phoebe's face, slapping her hard in the right cheek with her good hand.

"Damnit, don't give me that! You're just giving up, is that it?? Because if that's the case, then maybe I should just walk away and act like we never met. The Phoebe I know doesn't give up, Hell, I still remember seeing you fight to the last breath, just for your pride being on the line. And yet now that I know one frightning little fact, you're going to just give up!?" Seraphim knew she was creating a bit of a scene, and as she raised her voice, it was even hurting her to have to do this to Phoebe. But she couldn't stop now, she had already struck, she already yelled, she couldn't just withdraw her point now.

"I know it hurts, Hell you think I don't know what it's like?? Trust me, this sort of thing..." Suddenly, her voice trailed off, and she took a slow breath, her own words calming down, no longer yelling as she sounded sincere, almost hurt by her own words. "..This sort of thing, you can't go through alone. You can't just hide it forever, it doesn't change anything and only makes it hurt worse..."