Re: Critique Thread

by dragonswill Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:46 am

I dont think i count cuz i bearly have matches and my bois are shit and noone even jnows me on here exepct for people i pm so like i said i dont count

by anegge Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:14 am

[quote="dragonswill":1izjx30j]I dont think i count cuz i bearly have matches and my bois are shit and noone even jnows me on here exepct for people i pm so like i said i dont count

Could you frame your' answer in the form of a question? *trebeck*

Edit: If you are looking for critique, then try not to post anything that looks like are using a cell phone. Unless you ARE using a cell phone, then try to find a usable keyboard app for it.

by zxn666 Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:43 am

Hi all! I realized I hadn't been critiqued yet, so now here I am! Feel free to dig through my posts and pick out everything that's wrong/bad/cringe-worthy

by Bluemouse Sat Oct 15, 2011 4:50 am

Zixin! Post a link (or two) to a thread that you think typifies your writing! Not necessarily what you think is your best, just something 'you'. Mayyyyybe if you're real nice, I'll read through it and come up with something helpful to say.

Also, the gentleman at the top of the page, you posted in the critique thread to say that you don't qualify for critiquing? Dynamite.

by dragonswill Sat Oct 15, 2011 10:07 am

Well right now im using my iphone and i only had few matcths so far so its hard to tell if they are good since my rp skills are one liners so far but i try and put as much detail as i can, but i just need pracites i guess and anegge if you ever ban me for something ill understand i just hope i wont get banned since i read the rule and will reread them and im sorry if im bothering everyone

by kerflubble Sat Oct 15, 2011 10:51 am

Guess I should be critiqued by the expert

tried something a bit different and you know my normal style so what do you think?
http://afwrpg.informe.com/forum/afw-promo-f44/beginning-of-the-end-t5168.html

by Bluemouse Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:08 pm

So, this thread really isn't supposed to be a "bluemouse examines your writing" thread, it's just that I'm the only one left who bothers to do it. That being said, I'd be happy to try to help you out.

When I get to it >_>

by anegge Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:18 pm

[quote="dragonswill":3dwdpp21]Well right now im using my iphone and i only had few matcths so far so its hard to tell if they are good since my rp skills are one liners so far but i try and put as much detail as i can, but i just need pracites i guess and anegge if you ever ban me for something ill understand i just hope i wont get banned since i read the rule and will reread them and im sorry if im bothering everyone

You're not in any danger of being banned. I don't think you will ever be in danger of being banned.

Since, apparently he is posting from a mobile device, someone should do a real critique for this guy, TIA.

by Bluemouse Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:43 pm

Flubs!

Read your promo. I liked it. The Taylor parallels are funny (meaning how similar Adrian and Taylor are/can be). Here's your general purpose critique, hope it helps.

I'll start by saying that I'm a big fan of your rp'ing. I think you bring a lot of color to your writing, and sort of a casual feel that lends itself to making an rp fun. Obviously I like Adrian the best of yours, and I really like that she's (dare I say it) pretty unique, and her quirkiness isn't out-of-the-box anime kawaii-ness or anything.

As for anything you could work on, that's a little tough because I think we have similar weaknesses. The first thing that comes to mind is that when writing narrative, the casual feel I think can at times compromise the clarity. I think maybe rein it in a little, be a little more 'proper' with your narrative and a little less tongue-in-cheek-y. Don't eliminate that color complete, but to get the fullest effect out of it you've got to use it with discretion, like anything else artsy. I generally write (mostly with Taylor) in a sort of first person-y third person, but I think that's something I could catch myself on a bit more. I think sometimes it can become unfocused or unclear or something like that.

Next, as much as I adore Adrian, I think you're weaker with your other characters. I understand that too, because I think I'm weaker with my non-Taylor characters. I think it's when you put too much of yourself into one character that you fall into the trap of not really writing a CHARACTER so much as rp'ing yourself THROUGH the character. There has to be separation there. For the other characters, find a way to connect with them through some other part of yourself, and really take the time to feel them out as a person. Then take that person and find ways to apply them to rp situations, give them roles to play and whatnot. Allison is sort of tough for me, but I think I can sort of manage her by accessing the part of me that could understand being a self-serving, cold-hearted, narcissist.

Lastly, I think foresight is always a good thing. When your rp'ing, find a balance between thinking about the direction and future of the rp and rp'ing in the moment. RP'ing too shortsightedly can lead to you writing yourself into a corner and inadvertently torpedoing a thread. Too much planning and the thread loses all spontaneity and no longer feels fun, like the thread is already planned and the writing part just seems academic.

Anyway, that's all I've got. Hope some of that is helpful. There's always room for improvement with anyone and anything, but I think what you've been doing is great.

by Bluemouse Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:52 pm

Dragonswill!

Good to have you around, the more the merrier and whatnot. Real quick-like, I'll just say this. When you write something, go back and re-read it, preferably out loud to yourself. It's much easier to find problems in your writing when you have to speak it. Also, and this is important, USE PUNCTUATION. Or else.

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