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Chaos, Jaystar, Panda, Unlife

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Most users ever online was 418 on Tue Jul 30, 2019 9:51 am
Champions & #1 contenders
FRICTION


Friction World Champion
Adrian Kytes
#1 contender
Jessica Wright


Tag Team Champions
Bullet Club
#1 contenders
???


Kawaii Champion
Claire St. Clair
#1 contender
Izzi


Hardcore Champion
River Styx
#1 contender
Galina Romerno


Friction Hentai Champion
Yayuuki "Lucky" Sakura
#1 contender
Ari Nagawa


Entropy Champion
Harumi Hazama
#1 contenders
???


Rising Star Champion
Mika Kaminashi
#1 contender
Mia Yukari Wilson






TENSION


Tension World Champion
Mako "The Shark" Adachi
#1 contender
Sasuke "The Blue Dragon" Jackson


Tension Tag Team Champions
Makie Akamatsu & Kyo Akamatsu
#1 contender
???


Tension Hentai Champion
Vacated
#1 contender
???


Tension 24/7 Champion
Alice Gaster
#1 contender
Drake Fond

After a long time I return, looking for a match

Thu Sep 16, 2021 11:20 pm by GrandAkumaShogun

Hello all, I would firstly like to apologize for the long periods that I've been away from here. Been taking time away to focus on my mental health but I think I'm ready to return and looking for a match or two to get back into things. All three of my boys, Takeichi Mori, Takeshi Kawai, and Imai Cosmo are up for matches. If you want I can link their profiles so you don't have to search through the roster page. Anyone interested feel free to hmu through private messages. Hope to hear from …

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Comments: 0

New to site - loking for a fight on Tension

Wed Sep 15, 2021 1:42 am by RedBasher

Hi guys,

This is my first time on the site and I'm looking a deput for my starting character. Here is her Bio and a rundown of what kind of matches she is available for

Eva Cravina:
Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 EEgKtgc


Eva Cravina Bio:


Eva is a talented but inexperienced rookie face preparing for a debut in the AFW, preferably a standard one. She is aways looking out for a challenge and is willing to take any opponent in the roster, as well as a bit naive and …

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Comments: 0

Aye I'm back. I suck. Wanna wrestle?

Thu Sep 09, 2021 6:54 am by yummybunny

Aye I'm back again, the loser that pops in and out for like 5 years straight. I know I know, no need for cheers. Uh, but no seriously I'm feeling pretty good lately and would love to throw my hat back in the ring. If anyone wants to wrestle my losers let me know, I have a few now. Just made a new one in fact.
Queen Bitch:


Other than her I have like...A few others? I forgot who's made on here and who isn't. I WILL say, they ain't that good and …

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Comments: 3


Improvement/Critique Thread

+57
Kelsea
godjacob
Jaystar
Berial
ReikoH
WrestleMind
PlaymakerBD
SleeperAgent94
LtLukas
LARIATO
Mystery Dragon
RadiantKarna332
Vcom7418
M.J.Caboose14
bricktown
Teenwrestler
TheWamts
Sylvie
scorn53
PV
Winner3
Zithpith
acuyra
killcarrion
Lunchador
dlamp
KillerV
Kounoko
TekRobo
Cy_Man
XSirenX
Deus001
hamish1024
jakeb1993
daemongirl
Clyton
Underdog21
Harrier
Dice007
Alexandra
Lobo
kerflubble
dragonswill
LunarWolf
Viralsurge_24
beangraff
Kitten
d_ultsch
Hawthorne22
zxn666
Cirno
anegge
Jizzelle
Bluemouse
Old_Man_Tai
Ryoku
Tatyina
61 posters

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Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 Empty Re: Critique Thread

Post by Bluemouse Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:12 pm

Okayyyyyyyy, so, I haven't read all 500 posts of those two, but I have a bit of an idea.

First of all, use the enter button. Just press it twice every now and again and I won't ever have to slap you with a fish.

Beyond that, I like the chemistry that you were able to establish with zxn. Working together and making a good match is always better than doing whatever you can to win, or even always doing what would make sense. But if I have one thing to possibly work on for you, it's the same for me... paring down long extended run on sentences of action description.

It's tough because there's a lot that goes on in a fight and limbs go every which way and all that. When long descriptions are necessary try to make them as readable as possible, and in general keep an eye out for anything you can simplify. It's like instead of saying "Lifted her right foot and placed it on the next stair before lifting her LEFT foot and placed that on the stair after that" it's "walked up the stairs". The trick is not to compromise clarity when doing it, make sure to leave a clear enough trail that the reader can follow and so that you won't have to pm your match partner and have a little discussion about what is actually supposed to be happening.

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Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 Empty Re: Critique Thread

Post by Old_Man_Tai Thu Feb 10, 2011 7:35 pm

I see...I have to say that I concur with your remarks.

There were a couple moves, mainly in the second match I belive, where I had rather large blocks of text describing two moves, I think what Im going to do for now on in situations like that is instead of:

"He Raped her face with her own foot by placing her on her chest, hanging her head back and bending her right leg all the way over into her face"

Instead, seperate it into bits:

1. He flipped her to her chest

2. he took her leg and bent it back as far as it could go

3. He took her head and pulled it upwards, bending her in half

4. Raped her face with her foot

Basically like that, same move, but in smaller and easier descriptions. or just doing it post by post, so they have a chance to escape.


Im glad you liked the chemistry, I always try to work with an opponent, then against. Unlike some here, I have no issue getting my ass kicked in a match, win or lose.

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Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 Empty Re: Critique Thread

Post by Bluemouse Thu Feb 10, 2011 8:23 pm

Ya, you touched on pacing there. It's like in a movie, the less important parts are skipped through very quickly and the important parts might even warrant slow motion. I think when you're in between high spots in a match, it's better to keep things moving, like writing a move at a time instead of something like 1. gets back in ring 2 stands up 3 looks at you 4 thinks for a bit 5 decides to punch your face 6 makes a fist (and so on). Time in real life is something to consider, you don't want to stretch out the less interesting parts. Then when things of great consequence are happening, maybe your posts account for half a second instead of 5 seconds of rp-time.

This doesn't mean that it's every really okay to railroad people... I've had people (not necessarily here) do things like "i punch you in the face and knock you down and then kick you 10 or 20 times and the push you out of the ring and follow you out and hit you with a chair and then throw you back in the ring and put you in a boston crab and then let it go and stomp on your head and then put you back in a boston crab." Horrifying to try to reply to, let alone it's not the slightest bit interesting for anyone. At the same time if you never do anything of consequence to your opponent, that's no good either.... the match loses a lot of heat if it feels like the other person isn't really trying to win.

So yeah, balancing the level of wordiness, activity, and effectiveness per post is an ongoing thing.

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Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 Empty Re: Critique Thread

Post by Old_Man_Tai Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:04 am

Indeed. Waffles are good. So, any other critcisms for me to hear?

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Post by d_ultsch Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:04 am

I think i would like to throw in my hat for this critique thread. I don't have any particular match i would like to use as an example but i am open to any suggestion/critiques and if you request one i guess i could look for a specific thread which i could use as a reference.

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Improvement/Critique Thread - Page 3 Empty Re: Critique Thread

Post by Bluemouse Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:46 pm

At first glance, the first thing I saw was plain ol' grammar. Punctuation, especially. Pay greater attention to that and write clean and it will go a long long way toward making your writing come off as being much more legitimate.

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Post by d_ultsch Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:26 am

yeah i am horrible with punctuation its always been a weakness buti guess i will try harder to improve.

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Post by Bluemouse Fri Feb 25, 2011 1:59 pm

[quote="d_ultsch":31bp31kh]Yeah, I am horrible with punctuation. Its always been a weakness, but I guess i will try harder to improve.

Fixed. <img src=" title="Razz" />

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Post by Bluemouse Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:34 pm

Partly in the spirit of giving this thread some life and partly to satisfy my own urges to fix something, I was wondering if anyone had read anything of mine and had any helpful critical things for me?

At the bottom of each of my character profiles are links to all their threads. I think maybe my favorite would be Taylor's 'Down Time' somewhere around the middle, but certainly any thread would be a good example of how I do things. Anyhoo.

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Post by Kitten Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:52 pm

I have to agree with ZXN, Raiye.

I think your characters are creepy. Specially the kawaii ones. But you already know that. ^_^

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