Home
Portal
Events
Search
Register
Log inSearch
Latest topics
» SS22 Tension Pre-Show Bonus Match: Aiden Bolt vs Jasper Rhysby ihateocrecolors Today at 1:26 pm
» The House That Vander Built - Abigail Le Grande vs. Kurt Vander
by Yori Yesterday at 3:56 am
» New Genesis: Kairi Kamiya vs Elliot Gemina
by Yori Yesterday at 2:02 am
» In the Den of the Beast: Fenrir vs Bulma Busujima
by Yori Wed Apr 17, 2024 11:09 pm
» Rina Ninoita vs Blue Thunder Mask - Colour Clash
by Yori Wed Apr 17, 2024 9:59 pm
Who is online?
In total there are 145 users online :: 2 Registered, 0 Hidden and 143 Guests :: 2 BotsDiesel_Electric_Razor, Yori
Most users ever online was 418 on Tue Jul 30, 2019 9:51 am
Champions & #1 contenders
All of blade/speranza wreslters
Sun Apr 07, 2024 12:00 am by Blade/speranza
If you ant a march with any of thme let me know this is also a post for them
Sperzana bio: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22432-speranza-doncy?highlight=Speranza
Blade bio: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22536-blade-mccharge-the-blade-of-the-world?highlight=blade
Catherine: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22906-catherine-the-great-celestial?highlight=Catherine
Sperzana bio: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22432-speranza-doncy?highlight=Speranza
Blade bio: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22536-blade-mccharge-the-blade-of-the-world?highlight=blade
Catherine: https://www.afwrpg.com/t22906-catherine-the-great-celestial?highlight=Catherine
Comments: 0
Improvement/Critique Thread
+57
Kelsea
godjacob
Jaystar
Berial
ReikoH
WrestleMind
PlaymakerBD
SleeperAgent94
LtLukas
LARIATO
Mystery Dragon
RadiantKarna332
Vcom7418
M.J.Caboose14
bricktown
Teenwrestler
TheWamts
Sylvie
scorn53
PV
Winner3
Zithpith
acuyra
killcarrion
Lunchador
dlamp
KillerV
Kounoko
TekRobo
Cy_Man
XSirenX
Deus001
hamish1024
jakeb1993
daemongirl
Clyton
Underdog21
Harrier
Dice007
Alexandra
Lobo
kerflubble
dragonswill
LunarWolf
Viralsurge_24
beangraff
Kitten
d_ultsch
Hawthorne22
zxn666
Cirno
anegge
Jizzelle
Bluemouse
Old_Man_Tai
Ryoku
Tatyina
61 posters
Page 17 of 28
Page 17 of 28 • 
1 ... 10 ... 16, 17, 18 ... 22 ... 28
Re: Improvement/Critique Thread
by Tatyina Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:00 am
It is not necessarily that you write TOO much. But that you put more in a post than what you need. Length isn't the issue, content is. If you overstuff a thread, then your partner will either be trying to play catch up with all the things you ave in a post or will be forced to chose what things to reply to and what to disregard and/or ignore.
And, I am certainly not saying that you do this all post every post. Not at all. But that is something I see. And it's something that a lot of people do. It's easy to want to put in a string of moves or something. It trips me up from time to time as well.
Whether you post one sentence or ten paragraphs, the quality will make the length correct. the closer the post is to having the right balance of what it needs and what it allows your partner to do will make its length be just right.
I've had a few posts that only were sentences long because they only NEEDED to be. (They were very rare occurrences though)
And, I am certainly not saying that you do this all post every post. Not at all. But that is something I see. And it's something that a lot of people do. It's easy to want to put in a string of moves or something. It trips me up from time to time as well.
Whether you post one sentence or ten paragraphs, the quality will make the length correct. the closer the post is to having the right balance of what it needs and what it allows your partner to do will make its length be just right.
I've had a few posts that only were sentences long because they only NEEDED to be. (They were very rare occurrences though)
Tatyina- Posts : 27237
Join date : 2009-04-02
Age : 103
Location : VIP Box inside the AFWDome
Re: Improvement/Critique Thread
by Kitten Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:41 am
I put this on another thread but may be better here...
[size=200:2oqx5wfk]The 3 role playing essentials:
Role-playing is structured story-telling. To be good at it you need to master three difficult skills.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Clarity
Writing clearly is the first step to become a good RPer and the main barrier most people have to get into it. The simple truth is that all your amazing ideas will go to waste if people can't understand you. Make your posts easy to read and people will play with you. Make your posts hard to read and people would find something else to do. I personally find it disrespectful when people expect me to read stuff they haven't taken the time to think or write properly. Treat others like you would like to be treated. You don't like reading shit, do you? Neither do I.
Pro Tips!
1- Use a spell checker. Every single device that connects to the interwebs has them. There is simply no excuse.
2- Try to use proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation. If I need to read your posts three times to understand what you are saying I am going to get tired of you pretty quickly.
3- Chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_tense:2oqx5wfk]grammatical tense[/url:2oqx5wfk] and stick to it. Don't write half in past, half in present. In the same venue, chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_person:2oqx5wfk]grammatical person[/url:2oqx5wfk] and stick to it. It is really hard to follow you through time and multiple personalities.
4- Be sure it is completely clear who "she" or "he" actually is when you use the pronouns on a sentence. Otherwise following the action gets really complicated, specially when bodies are tangled all over the place.
5- Avoid walls of text. Use paragraphs.
6- Hit Preview BEFORE hitting Submit. Re-read what you wrote before hitting that Submit button. Re-write until it conveys the message you want to send. If you don't read what you write why should I?
7- Make sure it is obvious when someone is talking. Use "" or colors or -- or whatever you like, but make a distinction. If I cannot tell when your character is talking and when you are describing the action, things get confusing. Reading confusing posts is annoying and one of the main causes for thread abandonment in America...and the rest of the world.
8- Make it clear WHO is talking. When you are playing two or more characters at the time you have to make sure that everybody can tell who is talking when. You may have pictured the dialog perfectly inside your head but the people reading you have to picture it based on what you actually wrote, not what you imagined.
9- The best to improve your writing is reading. Read real books not this shit.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Substance
Once your writing is good enough so that people can actually understand you, it is time to go up another level: make your posts entertaining. People role-play because it is fun. If you aren't fun they won't play with you. To have fun role-playing with someone you need to understand what they want and somehow make it fit into what you want. Even in the so called "competitive" role-plays you have to work with your partner not against them.
Pro tips!
1-Write your posts like you would wear a skirt: Long enough to cover the essentials, short enough to keep it interesting.
2- Re-read your post and ask yourself if it has all the information your opponent/partner needs to know what is happening.
3- Re-read your post and ask yourself if you added information that isn't relevant and it is actually making it more confusing. This is A LOT harder than the previous point.
4- Every post should have a goal and an outcome. Decide what the goal and outcome of your post are going to be BEFORE you start writing.
5- Every post should AT LEAST do one of these three things:
- Reveal information about a character or situation.
- Advance the plot.
- Be fun.
Try to do all three. It isn't that hard.
6- Everybody wants something. Be sure you understand your characters motivations. There is a weird tendency in role-playing to create apathetic characters that doesn't seem to be interested in anyone or anything. Those characters never last long because it is very difficult to move a plot with them...you usually have to move it around them by avoiding them.
7- Role plays have plots. Usually the plots are simple and silly. Still it is very helpful to know what the plot is so that you know in what direction you have to push the story. If you don't know where you are going, it doesn't matters what road you take. You'll never get there.
8- Suspense doesn't works in role-playing. Give as much information as you can. You have little time to gather people's attention...and people have horribly short memory spans when it comes to role-playing.
9- Find what makes your role-playing partner click and use it against them.
10- Be expressive. Don't write dull sentences. Feel the moment and the emotions in the actions of your characters. Wrestling is all about agony, so is role-playing. If something is worth doing it is worth doing passionately and with fury. If you write "Alice throws a rock at Bob." I get the impression that she is throwing a rock without giving a fuck, a blank robotic expression on her face and barely any muscle moving.
11- Every action has a reaction. Before writing your post acknowledge and think a reaction for all of your opponent's actions. In wrestling this is called selling. Sell well and people will love you.
12- Be mean. Specially with YOUR characters. Master the art of going down in flames.
13- Keep it simple. This is porn fan-fiction after all. But...
14- When inspiration hits you be as poetic as you want. If you don't do it here you won't do it anywhere...and sometimes your prose will be kind of okayish.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Manners
Nobody will want to play with you if you are a jerk. Don't be a jerk. [size=50:2oqx5wfk](I can do it because I am a kitten, but you are not!)
Pro tips!
1- Write to please one person. You can't please everybody, so focus on pleasing your audience...and the sad true is that, most of the time, the only person that will actually read you is your playmate. Write for them.
2- Everybody is a protagonist. In a normal story you have the protagonist, the secondary characters, the antagonists, support characters, etc. In a role-play (unless agreed) everybody is someone's else protagonist. Keep that in mind at all times.
3- Don't power play.
4- Even when people say they want to improvise and see where a thread goes, they have an idea of what the possible routes and destinations are. You should always be aware of this.
5- When in doubt, PM.
6- Learn to say 'no'.
7- Don't be an idiot when someone says 'no'.
8- Have fun... but not at other people's expenses.
Short version
[size=200:2oqx5wfk]The 3 role playing essentials:
Role-playing is structured story-telling. To be good at it you need to master three difficult skills.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Clarity
Writing clearly is the first step to become a good RPer and the main barrier most people have to get into it. The simple truth is that all your amazing ideas will go to waste if people can't understand you. Make your posts easy to read and people will play with you. Make your posts hard to read and people would find something else to do. I personally find it disrespectful when people expect me to read stuff they haven't taken the time to think or write properly. Treat others like you would like to be treated. You don't like reading shit, do you? Neither do I.
Pro Tips!
1- Use a spell checker. Every single device that connects to the interwebs has them. There is simply no excuse.
2- Try to use proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation. If I need to read your posts three times to understand what you are saying I am going to get tired of you pretty quickly.
3- Chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_tense:2oqx5wfk]grammatical tense[/url:2oqx5wfk] and stick to it. Don't write half in past, half in present. In the same venue, chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_person:2oqx5wfk]grammatical person[/url:2oqx5wfk] and stick to it. It is really hard to follow you through time and multiple personalities.
4- Be sure it is completely clear who "she" or "he" actually is when you use the pronouns on a sentence. Otherwise following the action gets really complicated, specially when bodies are tangled all over the place.
5- Avoid walls of text. Use paragraphs.
6- Hit Preview BEFORE hitting Submit. Re-read what you wrote before hitting that Submit button. Re-write until it conveys the message you want to send. If you don't read what you write why should I?
7- Make sure it is obvious when someone is talking. Use "" or colors or -- or whatever you like, but make a distinction. If I cannot tell when your character is talking and when you are describing the action, things get confusing. Reading confusing posts is annoying and one of the main causes for thread abandonment in America...and the rest of the world.
8- Make it clear WHO is talking. When you are playing two or more characters at the time you have to make sure that everybody can tell who is talking when. You may have pictured the dialog perfectly inside your head but the people reading you have to picture it based on what you actually wrote, not what you imagined.
9- The best to improve your writing is reading. Read real books not this shit.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Substance
Once your writing is good enough so that people can actually understand you, it is time to go up another level: make your posts entertaining. People role-play because it is fun. If you aren't fun they won't play with you. To have fun role-playing with someone you need to understand what they want and somehow make it fit into what you want. Even in the so called "competitive" role-plays you have to work with your partner not against them.
Pro tips!
1-Write your posts like you would wear a skirt: Long enough to cover the essentials, short enough to keep it interesting.
2- Re-read your post and ask yourself if it has all the information your opponent/partner needs to know what is happening.
3- Re-read your post and ask yourself if you added information that isn't relevant and it is actually making it more confusing. This is A LOT harder than the previous point.
4- Every post should have a goal and an outcome. Decide what the goal and outcome of your post are going to be BEFORE you start writing.
5- Every post should AT LEAST do one of these three things:
- Reveal information about a character or situation.
- Advance the plot.
- Be fun.
Try to do all three. It isn't that hard.
6- Everybody wants something. Be sure you understand your characters motivations. There is a weird tendency in role-playing to create apathetic characters that doesn't seem to be interested in anyone or anything. Those characters never last long because it is very difficult to move a plot with them...you usually have to move it around them by avoiding them.
7- Role plays have plots. Usually the plots are simple and silly. Still it is very helpful to know what the plot is so that you know in what direction you have to push the story. If you don't know where you are going, it doesn't matters what road you take. You'll never get there.
8- Suspense doesn't works in role-playing. Give as much information as you can. You have little time to gather people's attention...and people have horribly short memory spans when it comes to role-playing.
9- Find what makes your role-playing partner click and use it against them.
10- Be expressive. Don't write dull sentences. Feel the moment and the emotions in the actions of your characters. Wrestling is all about agony, so is role-playing. If something is worth doing it is worth doing passionately and with fury. If you write "Alice throws a rock at Bob." I get the impression that she is throwing a rock without giving a fuck, a blank robotic expression on her face and barely any muscle moving.
11- Every action has a reaction. Before writing your post acknowledge and think a reaction for all of your opponent's actions. In wrestling this is called selling. Sell well and people will love you.
12- Be mean. Specially with YOUR characters. Master the art of going down in flames.
13- Keep it simple. This is porn fan-fiction after all. But...
14- When inspiration hits you be as poetic as you want. If you don't do it here you won't do it anywhere...and sometimes your prose will be kind of okayish.
[size=150:2oqx5wfk]Manners
Nobody will want to play with you if you are a jerk. Don't be a jerk. [size=50:2oqx5wfk](I can do it because I am a kitten, but you are not!)
Pro tips!
1- Write to please one person. You can't please everybody, so focus on pleasing your audience...and the sad true is that, most of the time, the only person that will actually read you is your playmate. Write for them.
2- Everybody is a protagonist. In a normal story you have the protagonist, the secondary characters, the antagonists, support characters, etc. In a role-play (unless agreed) everybody is someone's else protagonist. Keep that in mind at all times.
3- Don't power play.
4- Even when people say they want to improvise and see where a thread goes, they have an idea of what the possible routes and destinations are. You should always be aware of this.
5- When in doubt, PM.
6- Learn to say 'no'.
7- Don't be an idiot when someone says 'no'.
8- Have fun... but not at other people's expenses.
Short version
Last edited by 909 on Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:51 am; edited 3 times in total
Kitten- Posts : 7415
Join date : 2010-03-05
Re: Improvement/Critique Thread
by dlamp Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:00 am
Well, that post was definitely informative. I think I have a better grasp of role-playing now. Thanks Kitten... I guess.
_________________
The Azure Squadron
dlamp- Posts : 1487
Join date : 2012-01-07
Age : 30
Location : USA -
Re: Improvement/Critique Thread
by TekRobo Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:08 am
I am going to take Kitten's post and talk about the ones I think I have trouble with!
No one will probably care, so I'll put it all in spoilers.
No one will probably care, so I'll put it all in spoilers.
- Spoiler:
- [quote="Kitten":1dap61uu]I put this on another thread but may be better here...
[size=200:1dap61uu]The 3 role playing essentials:
Role-playing is structured story-telling. To be good at it you need to master three difficult skills.
[size=150:1dap61uu]Clarity
Writing clearly is the first step to become a good RPer and the main barrier most people have to get into it. The simple truth is that all your amazing ideas will go to waste if people can't understand you. Make your posts easy to read and people will play with you. Make your posts hard to read and people would find something else to do. I personally find it disrespectful when people expect me to read stuff they haven't taken the time to think or write properly. Treat others like you would like to be treated. You don't like reading shit, do you? Neither do I.
Pro Tips!
1- Use a spell checker. Every single device that connects to the interwebs has them. There is simply no excuse.
2- Try to use proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation. If I need to read your posts three times to understand what you are saying I am going to get tired of you pretty quickly.
3- Chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_tense:1dap61uu]grammatical tense[/url:1dap61uu] and stick to it. Don't write half in past, half in present. In the same venue, chose a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_person:1dap61uu]grammatical person[/url:1dap61uu] and stick to it. It is really hard to follow you through time and multiple personalities.
Ah, yes, tenses. My greatest weakness. Two years of IM role playing has spoiled me in the tense department, I fear. I am so, so very bad at keeping my tenses straight. >_<4- Be sure it is completely clear who "she" or "he" actually is when you use the pronouns on a sentence. Otherwise following the action gets really complicated, specially when bodies are tangled all over the place.
5- Avoid walls of text. Use paragraphs.
6- Hit Preview BEFORE hitting Submit. Re-read what you wrote before hitting that Submit button. Re-write until it conveys the message you want to send. If you don't read what you write why should I?
7- Make sure it is obvious when someone is talking. Use "" or colors or -- or whatever you like, but make a distinction. If I cannot tell when your character is talking and when you are describing the action, things get confusing. Reading confusing posts is annoying and one of the main causes for thread abandonment in America...and the rest of the world.
...I should probably use text colors... I had been under the, in retrospect quite silly, illusion that colors were somehow looked down upon.8- Make it clear WHO is talking. When you are playing two or more characters at the time you have to make sure that everybody can tell who is talking when. You may have pictured the dialog perfectly inside your head but the people reading you have to picture it based on what you actually wrote, not what you imagined.
9- The best to improve your writing is reading. Read real books not this shit.
[size=150:1dap61uu]Substance
Once your writing is good enough so that people can actually understand you, it is time to go up another level: make your posts entertaining. People role-play because it is fun. If you aren't fun they won't play with you. To have fun role-playing with someone you need to understand what they want and somehow make it fit into what you want. Even in the so called "competitive" role-plays you have to work with your partner not against them.
Pro tips!
1-Write your posts like you would wear a skirt: Long enough to cover the essentials, short enough to keep it interesting.
I don't wear skirts! My first mistake, obviously. D:2- Re-read your post and ask yourself if it has all the information your opponent/partner needs to know what is happening.
3- Re-read your post and ask yourself if you added information that isn't relevant and it is actually making it more confusing. This is A LOT harder than the previous point.
Apparently I have a problem with this. >.<4- Every post should have a goal and an outcome. Decide what the goal and outcome of your post are going to be BEFORE you start writing.
5- Every post should AT LEAST do one of these three things:
- Reveal information about a character or situation.
- Advance the plot.
- Be fun.
Try to do all three. It isn't that hard.
6- Everybody wants something. Be sure you understand your characters motivations. There is a weird tendency in role-playing to create apathetic characters that doesn't seem to be interested in anyone or anything. Those characters never last long because it is very difficult to move a plot with them...you usually have to move it around them by avoiding them.
7- Role plays have plots. Usually the plots are simple and silly. Still it is very helpful to know what the plot is so that you know in what direction you have to push the story. If you don't know where you are going, it doesn't matters what road you take. You'll never get there.
8- Suspense doesn't works in role-playing. Give as much information as you can. You have little time to gather people's attention...and people have horribly short memory spans when it comes to role-playing.
9- Find what makes your role-playing partner click and use it against them.
10- Be expressive. Don't write dull sentences. Feel the moment and the emotions in the actions of your characters. Wrestling is all about agony, so is role-playing. If something is worth doing it is worth doing passionately and with fury. If you write "Alice throws a rock at Bob." I get the impression that she is throwing a rock without giving a fuck, a blank robotic expression on her face and barely any muscle moving.
Gah, I'm bad at agony. I feel bad for the characters. Guilt, man.11- Every action has a reaction. Before writing your post acknowledge and think a reaction for all of your opponent's actions. In wrestling this is called selling. Sell well and people will love you.
12- Be mean. Specially with YOUR characters. Master the art of going down in flames.
13- Keep it simple. This is porn fan-fiction after all. But...
14- When inspiration hits you be as poetic as you want. If you don't do it here you won't do it anywhere...and sometimes your prose will be kind of okayish.
[size=150:1dap61uu]Manners
Nobody will want to play with you if you are a jerk. Don't be a jerk. [size=50:1dap61uu](I can do it because I am a kitten, but you are not!)
Pro tips!
1- Write to please one person. You can't please everybody, so focus on pleasing your audience...and the sad true is that, most of the time, the only person that will actually read you is your playmate. Write for them.
I'm pretty good at this one, I think.2- Everybody is a protagonist. In a normal story you have the protagonist, the secondary characters, the antagonists, support characters, etc. In a role-play (unless agreed) everybody is someone's else protagonist. Keep that in mind at all times.
3- Don't power play.
4- Even when people say they want to improvise and see where a thread goes, they have an idea of what the possible routes and destinations are. You should always be aware of this.
5- When in doubt, PM.
6- Learn to say 'no'.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA yeah I really gotta learn that one. >____<7- Don't be an idiot when someone says 'no'.
8- Have fun... but not at other people's expenses.
Short version
OK woo that's done.
Last edited by 11307 on Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:12 am; edited 1 time in total
TekRobo- Posts : 1471
Join date : 2013-02-13
Age : 29
Re: Improvement/Critique Thread
by Guest Mon Jul 08, 2013 6:41 am
Thank you for everyone's criticism!
[quote="Harrier":3jlzgv4i]kaz, I love your characters and your way to play them, even the ones that you do not use anymore. I honestly have no idea what could be improved, the only minor point of critic would be that I was afraid to look at your posts and see which one of my favorite girls you relegated to the reserve team!
" title="zomg" /> But with the steady team, that's already solved^^
I'd say - Aiden - Tsuki - Eri - Mayu - Coco. Haven't seen much of Mio and Wraith yet to really give them a ranking. Mayu and Tsuki dynamic is always a great read, Aiden makes the best read in matches, Eri is well in very department, Mayu the loveable rookie that is not really a rookie anymore and Coco the excitable cute circus girl.
But they are all close together, I only put Coco in last place cause I don't like eye patches.
[quote="Harrier":3jlzgv4i]kaz, I love your characters and your way to play them, even the ones that you do not use anymore. I honestly have no idea what could be improved, the only minor point of critic would be that I was afraid to look at your posts and see which one of my favorite girls you relegated to the reserve team!
" title="zomg" /> But with the steady team, that's already solved^^ I'd say - Aiden - Tsuki - Eri - Mayu - Coco. Haven't seen much of Mio and Wraith yet to really give them a ranking. Mayu and Tsuki dynamic is always a great read, Aiden makes the best read in matches, Eri is well in very department, Mayu the loveable rookie that is not really a rookie anymore and Coco the excitable cute circus girl.
But they are all close together, I only put Coco in last place cause I don't like eye patches.
Yeah I'm aware I dumped a lot of characters before due to various reasons. I do hope that it won't happen too often in the future.
[quote="TekRobo":3jlzgv4i]Ehem, Kaz: Your princess girl is pretty neat, but her laugh doesn't do it for me. "Ohohohohoho~", like, just not feeling it, ya know? Besides that, I've only really role played with one of your characters - Mio could have been a little more expressive, but was overall solid. Eri really gets playful down well, although I haven't really spied on many matches including her. The rest... less knowledge. Deepest apologies!
I imagined her as a person who has that annoying laugh. Can't really explain it well... At first I was just trying stuffs, but it seemed like a fun so I keep the laugh =p
As for you, I don't remember having problem with your RPing style in our match. You asked the stuff you didn't really get through PM and all, and the match itself was good.
[quote="Tatyina":3jlzgv4i]
Don't be afraid to trust your rp partners. MOST of them are not out to bite you. I obviously like Azami and Mayu the best. My own preferences with Mayu aside, I think you have/COULD build something nice with Azami.
I have to admit, sometimes it's kinda hard to trust people when they didn't make themselves trust-able with their posts. In the past I've been guilty for not discussing the RP too much, but I guess I'll be more communicative from now on~
Guest- Guest
